Where does a story really start? Does it start at the turning point of your life? Or the events that happened leading up to that? Or even when you were a small child and you modeled the behavior of your parents, carrying those behaviors into adulthood? Some may argue that our story starts well before we are even born….that our destiny lies in our ancestral lineage.
Every experience, good or bad, can change the course of our life, guiding us down a path we were meant to take. The painful breakups, the falls from grace, the financial mistakes…we could justify them by believing that they have their place and purpose. That they are leading us down the path we are meant to take, strengthening us along the way. I like to think we have free will, but sometimes I wonder…
Why Am I Here?
My first big fork in the road occurred in May 2013. I had just returned from living abroad in Lebanon and was not quite ready to grow roots in San Diego. So I packed up my car for my next adventure and blindly moved to Portland, OR. Ok, it wasn’t exactly a blind move. My ex and I had talked casually about going to Portland. I’m not quite sure if I thought he might follow, or if I wanted to harness my inner “independent woman” and follow through on my own. Whenever anyone asked me why I moved there, I didn’t know the answer. It wasn’t for the weather, even though I do love the rain. There was simply another reason that I would later come to realize.
My life has felt very haphazard since I moved to Portland up until recently. On the whim of a good feeling, I went back to school for my master’s degree in nutrition, followed by two years of trying to find work, and find myself. During those two years, I struggled to balance a part-time job, my own nutrition consulting business, my relationship, my stress, my health, and all of the other responsibilities that come with adulting (thank goodness I don’t have kids yet!). I was just beginning to get my footing, with a growing clientele, a presence in the wellness community, and a confidence that I could leave my part-time job and really support myself. And then I was offered my dream job.
Making The Decision
It took me about two weeks. Two weeks of pros and cons lists. Two weeks of sleepless nights, emotional turmoil, stomach churns. It just felt like bad timing. Why, right when I was just starting to get the hang of running my business, did I now come to a crossroads where I would have to choose between my dream job or my own business? Why couldn’t I have been offered this job before trying to make it on my own? Why couldn’t I just have failed at my business and felt super relieved to be “saved” by a great job? That would have made the decision much easier. But that little voice inside of me said “there’s a lesson here that I have yet to learn.” Oh, that little voice that always speaks the truth, whether or not you’re willing to hear it.
And so I got quiet. I turned inward. I went on walks. I played out each scenario – what it would look like to deny my dream job and continue with my business, or give up my business and take a full-time job. But the truth is, when it came time to make the decision, I was still unsure. I was torn between excitement for the offer and sadness to have to say goodbye to the wonderful people I worked with, the clients I had supported, and the vision I had of myself being a successful entrepreneur. My journey as a business owner taught me so much, with the biggest lesson being that I am worthy. I am worthy of the investment my clients made in me because I am knowledgeable, patient, and supportive. I began to impress myself when I started seeing success with my clients and growing numbers each month when I did my profit and loss statements. I began to fully realize my own potential as a healer and the endless possibilities of what I could do with my business.
Yet at the same time, my business had become my life. An excuse to pinch pennies, stay at home writing a blog, spend weekends networking and seeing clients. It consumed me in partially a good way (because I loved my business), but mostly in an unbalanced way. And it was my own fault – I didn’t know how to properly strike a balance between free time and business time. Perhaps it takes time to get there. Or perhaps I’m not cut out for it. Nah….screw that. I AM cut out for it. I proved to myself that I could rock the sh*t out of owning my own business.
But I had to be realistic about it – in order to get it going, I had to put the time and effort into it. I had to give 150% effort for a while. But I learned so much in the process – how to do my own accounting, business taxes, labels, blogging, marketing, networking. I did things I never thought I had the guts to do, such as stand in front of a room of 70 people and pitch my business.
Sometimes the Only Way is Jumping
And now here I was at the crossroads. So I did what I do best – I jumped. I took the job, I dismantled my nutrition consulting business, and I moved forward full-force, with an open mind and an open heart. I am two months into my new position and have enjoyed every single day. I wake up with a happy heart (after a great night of sleep, I might add) and feel so lucky that I get to go to work at a job I love.
It didn’t take me long to realize that lesson of having to choose between two desired paths. I’ve realized that those two years were a necessary part of my path for several reasons – (1) to become aware of my own strength, (2) to be ready for this job and (3) – this one is hard for me to put into words, but I now know that this job is everything I wanted my business to be, yet it gives me structure, support, stability, and the ability to “turn-off” at the end of the day and have my me-time. In a sense, it has offered me even more freedom than owning my own business did. I needed to go through that experience in order to realize this.
Wellness to a Tea
Wellness to a Tea will still exist as a tea company and a health and wellness blog. I am still passionate about bringing my love of tea to other people and spreading health information, so continue to expect more blogs and tea newsletters! If you’re not on my newsletter and would like to receive information on hormonal balance, support for stress and sleep, and the health benefits of herbs and herbal teas, click here to subscribe!
The Complete Picture
Now I have a more complete picture of why I moved to the Pacific Northwest. Even though I didn’t intend to stay here as long as I have, it is where I am supposed to be right now. Why did I move here? To further my education, to fall in love, and to find my path. And now I am merrily skipping down it!
How do you make a decision when you are at a crossroads? Let me know in the comments below!
What’s the new job???
Hi Carissa! I sent you a message on FB!
Beautifully written and I can relate in so many ways! I just made a similar difficult decision.
Thank you, Riley! I hope you feel good about your decision – I know it can cause a lot of inner turmoil! XOXO
Congratulations of your new adventures. Your going to Rock!
Thank you so much, Nicole!!!